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Divorce Grief

By Tess Thompson

Marriage is a typical relationship, which is quite different from others. It is different from live-in relationships that are now becoming more of a rule than an exception. And legality has nothing to do with it!

Matrimony was initially supposed to be for life “till death do us part” but with the changing times the addendum “until divorce” seems more appropriate.

Breaking up of a relationship can be is a sad affair, even when it is a case of breakup of a relationship that has gone sour. After investing so much time, love, and attention it appears that all the effort has gone waste.

In such a situation we are bound to feel the pain of separation, more so if the breakup is not out of our own volition. A divorce, after having spent the better part of your life with your spouse can be devastating at times.

The length of a relationship is not the only factor that determines the extent of sorrow that one feels. The emotional, spiritual, and financial investment that accompanies a marriage is equally important.

A break up of a short relationship can also be as painful as we tend to build hopes of sharing fruits of future success with our partner.

Divorce grief is actually the grief of loss of support, shattered dreams, loss of companionship and sharing. Many times there is an underlying childhood experiences that complicates the pain of a breakup. It can affect our overall emotional health and potentially lead to depression.

Divorce grief, as with any other type of grief depends largely upon individual personality and the ability or its absence to handle emotional distress.

Coping with grief over a broken relationship becomes easy if you make a conscious effort to accept the reality of a finished relationship. Harboring expectations that there will be a change of heart may hamper work schedules and affect emotional wellness.

What you need to do is to be your natural self and get on with life without blaming the partner or yourself for the incident. Look at it as an opportunity to do things that you wanted to do but could not because your partner was not supportive.

Initially the loneliness can be killing. Go out and meet friends and share your feelings with them. Let them know that you miss your partner but you are the same person as before.

Rituals are actually meant to provide an opportunity to people to share your grief. Arrange a divorce ceremony of sorts to give a symbolic end to the relationship.

Irrespective of how much you miss your partner, make sure that you do not take recourse to alcohol as a means to block your emotions. Recourse to alcohol can be more dangerous than the separation itself.

Instead, meet challenges head on with a positive mental attitude that something good may come out of separation and maybe you were equally responsible for the breakup.

References:
http://www.ojar.com/divorcehurts.php
http://www.helpguide.org/

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